At the moment I am feeling like I put in a lot of effort to make such small adjustments forward. Making yoga videos isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. While doing my best to give the videos some sentiment of professionalism, I think I am just making it worse. I think I did better when I just did what I do and then not focus too much on the “movie” aspects: audio, visual, lighting etc.

Those things have really started to cause me some frustration. The lighting in my home cast a showdown in the most embarrassing places so to be straight forward, it makes me look like I have a “moose knuckle or camel toe”, my shirts always bunch up and make it look like I have this massive belly hanging out NOT to mention all the times my ‘no roll’ legging’s decide to roll and so I fall out like an overstuffed sausage.

On audio, sometimes the ear piece falls out of my ear OR worse, I don’t notice that the audio quit recording so I don’t find out until I have already wrapped it up and put everything away. THEN there is the issue with background noise, the storage space on my computer, the light from our aquarium that shudders on the side, the ambient noise from the hum of the components to keep the tank running. Or the random loud car that drives by. I don’t even notice until I look back to do the editing.

Then trying to crop out parts that I don’t want in the videos because they are distracting… don’t get me started on small spaces. It’s very frustrating to want to make something good but have everything go wrong all the time. I barely know how to use the video editing software and find myself screaming at my computer because I did something and can’t get the little scissor icon to stop splitting my frames. lol

Then there’s the issue with framed dropping and trying to edit that. I feel completely weird talking to an audience that I am not even sure is listening. I feel sad when I look at the analytics and see that my excitement over 17 views tells me people looked and then quickly left. So I actually don’t really need to worry about how bad the videos are just yet since no one is really watching them to begin with. That’s oddly the good thing.

Then I tried doing voice over and this just makes the process of producing an hour video take at least a few days. I don’t know if voice over is better or not. I know I cue better in real time but the audio quality is superior when I do a voice over. I have no cinematic skill whatsoever so I want to work on the intro portions better instead of just getting straight to it.

All of this does make me feel like I am sliding back down the mountain but I am stubbornly persistent. I give everything I do 3 years and after 3 years if it doesn’t work out, I move on. So this is month 3 of my journey into building my own brand and doing a service. I know that some would say that because I do everything for free that I shouldn’t spend so much time on worrying about whether it is good or not but regardless, people deserve the best that I can do and nothing short of that.

My truth is that I enjoy learning new things even when it frustrates me. I love yoga and teaching yoga even though I am not the best. I like to create new things and learn as I go along. It’s definitely embarrassing and sad when my efforts so far aren’t yielding very good results but I have to remind myself that I am new and that even though I have taken steps backwards, I know that this backwards momentum is going to help propel me forward.

At least that IS the mentality I should keep. It is hard to keep that in my mind BUT if I don’t then I would just quit and I can’t quit. I have to give myself time to really grow. Phew. The truth stings a little but at least I am honest with myself like that but it is what it is. 😀